Have you ever written something under a time limit? That is obviously a rhetorical question since as KAIST students, I am sure that all of us have at some point typed away like a madman in order to press that KLMS submit button before the bell hit midnight, as though we were the academic Cinderella whose magic of caffeine wore away when the new day begins.
I am certainly not asking that question because I am currently writing this piece just moments before publication.
Well, okay, perhaps I am, and I am quite afraid to admit that it has always been the most crippling of countless flaws I have developed: procrastination.
Unless you have been blessed by the Lord of Time Management and Goddess of Smart Life Choices, I have a feeling that we have procrastinated some important responsibility at one point or another. For most, it’s a small nuisance or occasional misstep in life. For others, like me, it’s an unbreakable wall that threatens to lock them up in mediocrity and failure.
Executive dysfunction is the condition in which one cannot perform basic but essential functions in life, such as starting or finishing a task or remembering and carrying out multiple things at once. It haunts many people, especially those with ADHD or ADD.
I have never been officially diagnosed with the condition (perhaps due to my fear of confronting my problems in any aspect. The lack of time really does make you quite vulnerable), and I would not dare downplay the daily sufferings of the people who have been diagnosed with implication that I do have it. But for the last few years, which has been consistently getting worse, I have had struggled with many issues symptomatic of such a disease.
During my months off from school, I would lie down motionlessly on my bed and do absolutely nothing. I would watch the room turn light, then turn dark once again while the TV played white noise in the background. I once realized that I had been lying down for two straight days without having consumed water or food.
Now that I have been thrust back into school whether I am ready or not, I fight constantly with myself who’s more than willing to go back into that empty room where time doesn’t seem to pass by. It is hard to describe why it’s so hard to even start a task. At times, something as simple as getting food or calling someone cannot be achieved. And of course, completing homework, attending a class, or doing well on exams are long-gone dreams that seems so ridiculously easy but unfathomably impossible.
I had planned to write on the brilliance of the fleeting youth this month, encouraged by this issue’s topic of student protest, marriage, and power of the young and how our youth is a valuable asset in which we could attempt to go great leaps and bounds. However, I think it would be quite hypocritical of me. But if I were to offer a piece of advice from my humble position, is that youth is not defined by what or how much you do during it, but by what you become afterwards.
Here I am, somehow nearing the end of this piece. I wonder what I will become.
Thinking Out Loud,