This was supposed to be my last semester at KAIST. Looking back at my stay here, there’s a great sense of surreal duality in it. I can never believe that I have been in this place for nearly four years. It feels like only yesterday that I carried my luggage into Somang Hall and started this adventure, though admittedly it is quite a boring one at times. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long since I took the freshman chemistry lab class I had no interest in. At the same time, there’s this part of me that feels like I have been here forever. At times, it was hard for me to think of life outside of KAIST, especially when I was on campus for over two and a half years during COVID travel restrictions. I forget that there was a version of me who wasn’t constantly thinking about the next assignment, or one who didn't feel doing anything other than school work was a waste of time. Perhaps that’s what eight semesters of KAIST does to someone. Or maybe, just maybe, it could be the sign of “growing up”. Anyway, that is not the point here. The point is that I have now reached a stage in my life where I have to prepare for the next chapter, and in doing so, I have to look back and reflect on my stay.

It took me a while to adapt to “the KAIST life”. Before coming in, I knew about the rigorous coursework that awaited me, but I had no idea about the day-to-day school life and the on-campus culture. It was my senior who welcomed me to campus, helped me into my fifth floor freshman dorm, and gave me a mini-orientation. Having just come to a totally new environment, the advice I got from him was like gospel for a few months. I used to spend an unimaginable amount of time in the Undergraduate Branch Library (N10). N10 is surely one of the things I’ll always remember about KAIST. While it’s not fair to judge the decisions I made during freshman year by today’s lenses, I still can’t comprehend how I was able to spend that much time in a place that felt like a prison and torture chamber combined. I hated every moment I spent in that building, but that did not stop me because in my head, it was what KAIST students were supposed to do. I blamed my inability to adapt and did not think that there could be better ways to study. Needless to say, working in an environment you don’t particularly enjoy is not very productive; by blindly choosing to essentially make the library my second home, I was actually putting more effort into my studies than was necessary. I will forever remember the walk back to my room, 9 p.m. on a Friday evening, euphoric after finishing my first semester at KAIST and promising to never return to that library. I returned of course!

I think I can say that this was not an isolated incident. There are certainly things I wish I could have done differently throughout the years. For starters, I would have focused more on my physical and mental wellbeing. Granted, the closing of the sporting facilities during COVID had definitely limited my exercise routine, but still that doesn’t account for my willingness to not exercise for months (maybe there’s a reason why I feel like I have been here for ages). I should have taken “mental-breaks” from time to time and maybe visited the Stress Clinic too. One thing I always tell freshmen is to never succumb to the pressure the environment brings — especially during the earlier years of study — because at a certain point, you’ll start to realize that at KAIST, everyone’s on the same boat; some are just more adept at riding the wave. 

I certainly have a number of “should haves” and “would haves” when it comes to my time here, but I can well say that this place has prepared me for my time later in life. I have seen a version of myself I had never seen before, both positively and negatively. I’ve had the chance to work with some brilliant people who made me dream bigger. Now that I’m in my last year of my undergrad, I kind of feel nostalgic about my time in KAIST — which I did not expect would be the case considering my experiences here. In any case, it’s time to think ahead and look forward to what the world will bring.