“Mental health”, “mindset”, “self-talk”, … “coping”. These terms are used more and more frequently these days than in the age of our grandparents, who typically suggest that it's the fault of our phones that we are suffering from low self-esteem and a fairly negative outlook towards life. But if we were to rephrase the statement to include the effects of feeling connected to the entire world and being exposed to the lives and eyes of millions on a daily basis, perhaps, we would agree. Maybe our issues with mental health arise because, while being members of a constantly screaming cohesive society, we simply forget how to speak to ourselves.

Not even 30 years ago, people only had to consider the lives of their physical surroundings, sometimes not even their whole country. Now, with the sudden interconnectivity of the world, each of our thoughts is subject to countless filters so as to make sure it doesn’t offend anyone or make them like us less on its way out. Consequently, our thoughts no longer represent our true nature but rather a collection of thoughts that would somewhat guarantee that we fit in. Our thoughts should not be blindly influenced/molded by others, they should be developed as we grow as mindful members of society. Otherwise, the conflict that arises subconsciously between one’s true self and their public facade over a long period of time eventually evolves into something more damaging — stress. And it is how effectively we cope with that stress is what defines our mental health.

Coping mechanisms as a whole define a set of practices implemented to deal with internal and external stressors. They are typically classified into  problem-focused, meaning-focused, emotion-focused, and social coping mechanisms. The former two are generally healthy and are oriented at solving the problem-stressor or somehow rationalizing a situation that just occurred. Social coping is mostly subjective to the community from which one seeks emotional support. Emotion-focused coping includes common maladaptive mechanisms such as binge eating, smoking, avoidance, and other temporarily stress-relieving behaviors that damage one’s mental and physical health in the long term.

From the perspective of endocrinology, stressors induce the release of the stress hormone, cortisol, and coping methods release happy hormones such as dopamine and oxytocin. And all three are heavily related to our interactions on social media. The levels of oxytocin, a hormone mostly produced during intimate actions such as hugs, kisses, and sexual activities, increase when we post on social media. The excitement of sharing and receiving “likes” becomes the new bonding signal and makes us feel accepted, releasing more dopamine. As a result, we are always on the lookout for messenger notifications — a hormonal equivalent of hyper-vigilance in foreign or dangerous environments — which, ironically, becomes an everlasting stress factor.

Not only are such spikes in the endocrine system addicting to the brain, they are automatically associated with the behavior that induces them — something called classical conditioning, the neuronal equivalent of excessive salivation when waiting for your favorite pasta. The motivation to “keep scrolling” comes from the desire of our minds to experience these spikes yet again, because it simply knows that it’s an effective way to do so. But sometimes, for many, messengers seem to “dry out” as if the world suddenly forgot about their existence. “Getting left on read”, fewer likes, and miscommunicated messages tend to lead to overthinking and even more stress. Therefore, our current lifestyles are under constant threat that is just unknown to our grandparents; it makes sense that our possible solutions are foreign and strangely taboo to them as well.

Coping mechanisms are becoming absolutely necessary to our well-being, but so does the ability to differentiate between them. Binge watching TV shows, smoking or vaping, social avoidance, or even workouts with blasting music serve as effective getaways from stress and temporarily boost our happy hormone production, but in the long run, are still just temporary solutions if we don’t learn to deal with the root of re-emerging stressors. Distracting our brains from the stresses that keep coming back would not cut it, but discovering a way to identify and rationalize stressors will. Developing an effective coping mechanism, such as convincing yourself that you were left on read or “not liked” as much simply because your friends were busy or left their app open without checking, can liberate you from unnecessary pain, but developing this ability to get these points across to yourself will just take time and practice. It is normal, logical, and necessary that we adapt to the new way we live.