Instagram, a portmanteau of the words “instant camera” and “telegram”, is one of the most popular social media among both teenagers and adults. A few months ago, I decided to take a break from the addictive platform for two weeks. It was a few days before the start of finals week last semester, and a multitude of reasons — to focus on finals, to avoid anxiety triggers, and to care less about other people’s business — contributed to the decision. I had pondered about the decision for a considerable amount of time and prepared myself for the consequences to come before posting a “will take a break from Instagram” story on my account. What surprised me, however, is what the “consequences” really were.

Without the Instagram application on my phone, something felt missing when I took pictures of plants, textbooks, and myself without any platform to share them to. There were also thoughts and questions I wanted to share, but I simply let them go into oblivion. Initially, I had to consciously stop myself from thinking about how people would react to small bits of my life. But over time, the experience felt more liberating as I was able to spend my days without waiting for replies and comments on my posts, or getting disappointed by the lack of them. It was then that I learned to keep those pictures and musings to myself or share them with my family or close friends only. Instead of relying on others for judgement, I learned to be the judge of my own actions.

I also noticed how isolated but peaceful I felt without others’ posts and stories. When someone mentioned a friend’s story, I didn’t know how to respond. When everyone talked about the latest gossip in the community, I simply turned a deaf ear. Was it all a disadvantage? Possibly — it was indeed a bit lonely, but I gained more than I lost. Instagram made me believe that in order to be a good member of society, I must know every detail about what is going on around the world: from my middle school friend’s overpriced dates, trends that became viral, to the latest high-profile affairs. I realized just how much time I wasted on viewing other people’s lives through rose-colored glasses. Turning to Instagram for a “quick entertainment” — which would later become an hour of longing stares at designer items and holiday houses I could not afford — had become a habit that never failed to pull me into an ocean of self-doubt. Under the constant barrage of well-edited selfies of Instagram “influencers”, achievement pictures with “praise the Lord” captions from friends, and breakthrough discoveries from young geniuses, feeling content with myself has never felt more impossible. In the absence of Instagram, I had more time to think about myself and about what I truly want rather than how lacking I am compared to the rest of the world.

That said, Instagram is not entirely negative, either. I learned how much Instagram changes the way we show love and care to our friends for the better as well. Take birthday reminders, for instance. Every year, I mark my journal calendar with the birthdays of close friends, but with hardly any time to even open my journal during the semester, I often find myself missing their birthdays without Facebook reminders and Instagram stories. In addition, during this COVID-19 pandemic, I seldom talk to my friends and there are hardly any topics to start an online conversation out of the blue. The availability of posts, stories, and direct messages provide a reason to casually greet friends from all over the world — asking where they had their meal, leaving reactions to their stories, or simply sending cute cat videos to their personal inbox. While some lament the fact that these quick and impersonal reactions deter us from having real conversations, isn’t giving likes better than having no interaction at all?

My two-week break from Instagram has truly been an eye-opening experience. In a world that already glamorizes superficial beauty, material wealth, and social status, Instagram makes it ever easier for us to overlook real merits for instant gratification. However, as a social media platform, Instagram also allows us to keep in touch with loved ones and make new friends regardless of physical distance. Ultimately, whether Instagram confines or empowers us depends on ourselves as users. As for me, I only re-installed Instagram after I had enough time to build my self-esteem and learn how to filter out its harms.